Tuesday, June 3, 2014

Claw Shield of Ulitmate Awesome

This fearsome artifact is made out of one-hundred percent thunderonium, which is the most awesome metal ever created. It can deflect any weapon, is totally indestructible and can even stop magical shit.

It gives the wearer reflexes like a cat, makes their eyes cat-like so they can see in the dark, or have the strenght of a tigon (the strongest of all the cats, lookitup!) but not both at the same time. You have to say the right spell and it works for only an hour, but then you can say one of the other spells.

It also holds a magic sword, that fits when you put it in, but like, when you pull it out, grows to four feet long!

But it also has this curse. There is this Mummy guy named Rah, who lived like ten thousand years ago who first made the Claw Shield, and used it to conquer the world and get this like huge harem filled with every type of woman he wanted. But the queen was jealous of all those bitches and one night after she totally rocked his world with her and three other girls, just to make sure he was totally drained out. Then she stole the shield and gave it to her lover. The pharaoh dude then started a huge war to get the shield back, but he got captured.

They tied him up like a mummy and buried him alove in this giant underground pyramid guarded by cat-people mummies. The mummy-guy is still alive though, and he always tried to get the shield back, and will kill everyone the wearer loves to get it back. This makes the wearer all sad and broody and deep, even though he can totally kick eveyone’s ass.

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