The Caverns of Questamundo: Part the One

Ever since he could remember, Thakko wanted to be a barbarian. Raised in the small village of Slow Kitten tucked away in a sunny, forgotten valley of the Small Mountains, young Thakko would devour any news he could find of the exploits of the more famous, and notorious adventures of the day: King Krudd, The Dog, Crazy Kra, Nonose the Leper and Bastard Mary, all the while dreaming of the day he too could venture forth to battle foul beasts, best brave warriors, defeat mad sorcerers and of course, rescue innocent, yet nubile and willing slave girls.

Secretly and patiently, he saved every lucre he could spare from his job as an apprentice gong-farmer until the day he could afford a battle axe of his very own. Under the cover of darkness, he snuck away from his village and made his way towards the Cliffs of Questemundo, the closest entrance to the mysterious and subterranean world of caves, tunnels and dungeons known as the Downlow.

There, after days of searching, he found a door half buried and covered in brush. Digging it free, he smashed the rusted lock to begin the adventure of his dreams....

The Caverns of Questemundo: Part the One

Dire Cheese

MSG: 2.1.2

Bite: +1  Armour: -2

A small complex built in ages past by a warrior known as Rogaine and the wizard Tadalafil. The purpose of the stronghold remains a mystery; some say that the two adventurers were looking for a base of operations, others say that they wished to hide their love from the world, still others say that they had wanted to open a charming little bed and breakfast, the answer may never be known. What is known is that they dug too deep, and broke through into the Downbelow, which allowed the caves to be swarmed with monsters, and then forgotten...

... until today.

Thakko began by entering down a long corridor flanked by small alcoves. He found little of interest until he came upon the remains of an ancient battle; four long-dead warriors found scattered across the floor and there he experienced his first real looting. Though it only netted him seven meagre lucre, he was everything he ever dreamed.

Bored Skeleton (x3)

MSG: 1.1.1.

Attack:1 Armour: 1

Moving on, he discovered the complex's kitchen, and was there attached by a Dire Cheese, formed by the actions of stale magics upon a particularly sharp wheel of Colby.

He emerged victorious and unscathed and celebrated with a light snack of his vanquished foe on crackers.

Exploring further, he entered the wizard's storeroom, and disturbed three skeletons who up till then been peacefully fossilizing. Luckily they were unarmed, but still dealt the brave lad a serious wound before he could lay them low.

Lunatic MSG:2.1.2 Attack-Toenails 2. Armour: Filth 2

Victorious, but wounded he bravely ventured on finding a library though its collection of crafting manuals and scrolls depicting young men in athletic competitions proved of little use to the novice barbarian.

In a locked and forgotten cell, he discovered a man forced to eat only the mushrooms that grew between his toes, and as a result had gone completely insane. 

Then entering into a room where crystals grew from the circular opening ceiling, he was enveloped in a warm light, and found himself ....

... suddenly back in the main dining lounge. Somewhat confused, it was there he chose to rest.