Because I will never miss a chance to throw in an obscure Goonies referenece.

I get that most of the Saturday morning cartoons I watched as a kid were nothing more than extended commercials wrapped around sugary cereal adverts, and I would not expect any modern incarnation to have the layers of plot and symbolism of Citizen Kane, or even the average Abbot and Costello movie, but OMG! Transformers 3: Dark Side of the Moon was BAD!

And the thing is, I consider it the best of the trilogy.

I am not a huge Transformers fan. I watched the show as a kid, collected the comics, had a few toys, thought they were pretty cool but didn’t delve into them the way some did. For instance, ask my wife about her theory that Transformers represent a completely modern mythos complete with a Pantheon and Christ/Orpheus figure.
One of my high school/gaming buddies is also a Transformers freak and can ramble on for hours about the relationship between Beast Wars and G1. With him in the GM’s seat we even ran a campaign of Mechamorphosis set in the Transformers universe. I played 9-Iron, who transformed into a golf cart and spoke like Mr.Howel from Gilligan’s Island, and I was the one playing things the most straight. Needless the say, the campaign imploded due to extreme silliness.

While watching this disjointed, incoherent, mess of an eyesore sprawl across the screen last night, it finally hit me WHY I hated it so much.This is not, nor ever has been a movie franchise about Transformers. It is about Witwhicky doing idiotic, distracting things while Big Robots stomp around in the background.

In much more refreshing movie news; watch this!

It is a glorious splatterfest that makes absolutely no apologies for what it is. And I'm not just saying it because it was shot in and around the city in which I currently live. I'd like to say that they made it look bad in the film, but with the way things are going around here, they didn't have to do much!
The part with the octopus was really scary!