|Not this epic|
The movie is apparently based on a series of books known as The Spook's Apprentice by Joseph Delaney. The books seem to have a number of different titles, not surprising given the issues around the word, 'spook'. I'm actually surprised that they use the word as often as they do in the film. That it is based on a book series actually makes more sense, as I would hazard a guess that the script-writer tried to jam as many ideas from different books together to make a single movie.
|The exact opposite of this, yet somehow still not as shitty.|
|Always the best thing in a lot of bad movies.|
|Not so special now, huh?|
|Its all beginning to make sense!|
|Does this look like a mother and son to you?|
My apologize for all the swearing, but if you're offended stop reading because it's only going to get a whole lot worse.
Just before he goes off with the strange man who bought him, Tom is told by his Mam that "all you ever need is inside you". And she also gives him her amulet. I like to call this trope, 'The magic hubcap'.
Mother Malkin has been locked away by Gregory in a cave for a hundred years. She frees herself on the eve of the Blood Moon, which is event that happens once in a hundred years and boosts the witch's powers. For someone who is quite long lived, Greg did not read the fine print on that imprison spell. She promptly returns home, to find it a ruin inhabited by ghosts and watched over by Bonny Lizzie who appears to be some sort of lich. Lizzie also happens to have a teenage daughter named Alice. Lets not dwell on the implications of that, shall we?
|Image taken from Lichlovers.com|
And witches are also dragons. Why? Who the fuck knows!
|Trust me, it looks a lot shittier in craptastic CGI.|
|Don't worry. He dies.|
That night, Tom goes exploring and accidentally awakens a haunted suit of armour which attacks him and has to be stopped by Greg. Greg is furious at Tom for ignoring his order to stay in his room, and as a result he begins to train him. Wait, what?
|Prepare the Montage!|
|and that they take Bear Bating seriously in Walled City.|
|The GM swears that he rolled this on the Random Encounter table.|
|When witches die, they get all sparkley|
|These guys violate almost all of the Peter's Evil Overlord rules concerning minions.|
|Yay for hubcaps!|
The best thing is that movie actually looks pretty good. It is CGI'd to fuck and back, but there are only few times when it crosses the uncanny valley.
|Just gonna leave this here.|
|Here she is REALLY pissed about him leaving the toilet seat up.|
|Ogre Scrotum: For personal use only.|