As much as love Ron Pearlman, did we really need to spend an hour reliving Conan’s entire childhood? I am starting to loathe movies and books that obsess over origin stories. It’s tired and takes up way too much of my friggin’ time. Give me some mystery. What ever happened to ‘The Man with No Name’?
Some of the more groan-worthy moment:
-the battle where Khalar Zym overruns Conan’s village is a tactical mess. And for being ‘feared barbarians’, they don’t seem to put up much of a fight.
-so they hunt down all the pieces to the mask, then spend ten years doing nothing?
-Dropping rocks on a slave market … is gonna kill a lot of slaves.
-Sand wraiths that can jump three stories straight up and can merge with the ground are killed by .. falling?
-a thief who’s main skill is a ring of keys? Ho-Ho! Magic!
-a rowboat full of soldiers sneaks up on a ship full of pirates in the full light of morning?
Conan thee Movie Blog has some good pics.